The purpose of this document is to describe lesbian reality, lesbian rights, and lesbian political potential consistent with radical feminist principles.
– The Lesbian Bill Of Rights
As the WDI USA Lesbian Caucus has observed before, lesbians are currently under attack from the political left; and we are also aware that backlash against the “LGBTQIA+” acronym sometimes includes an anti-lesbian component. Meanwhile, it appears that misogyny is on the rise from all quarters. In this climate, where it is difficult for lesbians even to congregate publicly as lesbians, it is understandable that we tend to be protective of everything that lesbians have ever done as “lesbian culture.”
Fortunately or not, culture can and does change. Our defensiveness and protectiveness are not necessarily in the interests of lesbians collectively, because they make it hard to evaluate our culture accurately. And it is structural analysis of cultures and subcultures that is at the heart of radical feminism. Speaking as lesbians who are also radical feminists, we’re going to try here to begin to examine some of our traditions and behaviors – with respect and affection, but without framing any cultural components as immutable or sacred or beyond criticism. Because if we don’t allow ourselves to critically analyze lesbian structures, we risk ongoing engagement in traditions that perpetuate patriarchal interests.
What follows is a somewhat arbitrary sampling and a preliminary look at some lesbian traditions, which we offer in hopes of starting ongoing conversations about their meanings and effects from a radical feminist perspective. We do this because we have the power to change behaviors that don’t work for us personally and/or collectively.
As the influence of “gender identity” fades, lesbians will increasingly have opportunities to create our spaces and culture again. What will we, as radical feminist lesbians, want that culture to look like when the time comes? We hope you will take part in that conversation by commenting below, sharing widely, and joining us at the WDI USA Convention in Atlanta in September, where we will have this discussion in person, at length, and for lesbians only.
I. The U-Haul Syndrome
This phenomenon was named by lesbian comic Lea DeLaria in a joke from her nightclub act decades ago: “What does a lesbian bring to the second date? A U-Haul.”
It was funny because so often true, and the behavior had not previously had a spotlight on it, or a name. We sort of knew that it was very lesbian to meet someone, immediately fall madly in love, move in together, then quickly experience disillusionment accompanied by high drama and painful couples counseling lasting way longer than the fun did. We sort of knew at the time, and still do, that the behavior is fun (if you think romantic-tragic melodrama is fun), high risk, and likely low in lasting benefits; but Lea said it out loud and named it.
Benefit: The emotional rush into romantic fantasy without having to endure the insecurity of dating and the discomfort of being judged over time.
Risks/Costs:
- The results of relocating and living together with a near stranger likely include unnecessary relationship drama possibly leading to either an early breakup or the misery of not breaking up when the relationship is clearly hopeless, possibly complicated by a sudden housing crisis for at least one partner.
- Loss to the greater lesbian community of both partners’ participation while they are both consumed by the relationship highs and lows.
- Possible ostracism of one partner and/or splitting of the local lesbian community as its members take sides in the breakup.
None of this seems consistent with a thriving lesbian community or with anything that might pass for radical feminist ethics.
II. No Sex Before Marriage/Commitment
Traditional patriarchy requires virginity for women (but not for men). So variations on this are likely to feel familiar, and possibly even comfortable, for at least some lesbians. Recent variants include no sex before commitment, and no sex without love. If commitment is required for sex to occur, then isn’t commitment likely to happen quite prematurely? While it makes sense for a woman trapped in traditional patriarchy to make sure she has as much financial security as possible before having sex with a man and risking pregnancy, what value does this have for lesbians from a radical feminist perspective?
Benefits: Do either personal or political benefits exist? Let us know in the comments what you think!
Risks/costs:
- Premature, possibly disingenuous commitment in order to enable sexual intimacy.
- The entire U-Haul package, including unnecessary personal misery, overvaluation of romance, denigration of sex, and weakening of lesbian community bonds.
On the other hand, there are behaviors normalized for men (sometimes called “masculine” or “male” sexuality by radical feminists) that involve depersonalized sex with strangers. Sometimes lesbians do this too. While arguably less harmful than no-sex-without-marriage to both the individuals and the community, this “masculine” sexuality is sometimes criticized for being as gendered as the feminine no-sex-without-marriage. Is that criticism justified? What might some alternatives look like for lesbians that are honest, respectful, and egalitarian?
III. Butch/Femme
The Lesbian Bill Of Rights defines “gender” as “sex-based stereotypes whose purpose is to force all women into a subordinate position in relation to all men.”
Butch/femme is gender. Its origins as a lesbian cultural phenomenon probably date from the 1920s, as an aspect of post First-Wave feminism. Presenting as masculine has the advantage of allowing a lesbian to be instantly recognized as a lesbian by other lesbians. But it has the personal disadvantage of conferring instant pariah status in the larger patriarchal culture, and the political disadvantage of supporting gender. Butch has been valorized, in some circles and at some time periods, as nonconformist-rebel-hero-outcast. The exception to this occurred for a few years during the Second Wave, when radical feminists, especially lesbians, rejected and pointedly mocked all expressions of gender. During the 1970s in major US cities, you could recognize a lesbian by her deliberately androgynous, functional presentation that typically included mens’ jeans, flannel shirt, and comfortable shoes or boots; but butch swagger was as carefully avoided as femme coquettishness.
Radical feminists still seek to abolish all gender, including lesbian genders; and we are critical of the power hierarchies that underlie gender.
How does butch/femme work out for lesbian couples? The butch lesbian may have difficulty finding stable employment, whereas the femme lesbian may have a better chance. This is because femininity in women is slightly rewarded, while masculinity in women is significantly punished. So the power dynamic modeled on heterosexuality is somewhat reversed for lesbians, thanks to patriarchal economics. Both parties are poised for disappointment, in themselves and in each other. The butch partner is set up to compete with her femme partner for power within the relationship; without having superior power, her masculinity/dominance is undermined and her claim to butchness becomes hollow. This competition can happen in heterosexual relationships too; but there, it is likely for the man to be not only physically bigger and stronger, but also to have greater access to wealth, as well as societal support for the rightness of his dominance.
The functional benefits of butch/femme are elusive. Both are performative roles. As radical feminists, we aim to be both authentic and liberated from patriarchy, neither dominant nor submissive, neither masculine nor feminine. We seek a different paradigm based on being essentially functional and not decorative.
IV. Mother goddess spirituality
Ancient goddess religions were based on women’s ability to give birth. Deities were women because women were observed to be the creators of new life. As radical feminist lesbians, is our childbearing potential what we want to center in our spiritual lives? What else could our spiritual lives look like? Do we even need spirituality?
This article doesn’t claim to cover all aspects of lesbian culture, or even all of the most controversial aspects. For instance, there are a number of power dynamics besides butch/femme that are familiar to lesbian communities. Among these are the occasional claim that “gold-star” status (meaning lifelong lesbian; the term “gold star” was originally sarcastic) makes one somehow more lesbian than other lesbians; or that generally more time spent as a lesbian confers more power. We may dig into these and other aspects of lesbian culture in a subsequent blog post.
Such things as butch/femme chivalry and posturing, high-stakes melodrama, soulmate ideology, sexual objectification, control of a partner’s other social contacts, and the requirement of a lifetime commitment prior to sexual intimacy all tend to undermine sexual/affectional relationships, egalitarian lesbian community in which we recognize ourselves in each other, and radical feminist principles of women’s liberation.
Gender identity ideology has shut down much of lesbian culture, including wonderful lesbian-centered music and art; and we will need to revive it as “trans” loses and recedes. The WDI USA Lesbian Caucus proposes that we treat this current cultural interruption as an exciting opportunity to create an intentional new lesbian culture based on radical feminist principles. From scratch. We may have some models in mind that it shouldn’t look like; but we don’t yet know what it should look like. We need lots of lesbians’ observations and insights and creative ideas so that we can all build that new intentional lesbian culture – deliberately and collectively. If we do this well, it even seems possible that our rebuilt lesbian culture might be so attractive that it could inspire change in the culture at large.
Come to the WDI USA Convention in Atlanta and we will have this discussion in person and at length — for lesbians only — and get started on this ambitious project.
The WDI USA Lesbian Caucus
Lauren Levey, coordinator
Mary Ellen Kelleher
Katherine Kinney
Brandi Kochan
A. Schams
